What does it feel like to be you in terms of the inner narrative that you hear in your head? Do you feel accepted and well with your body and with your internal state? Or are you rejecting yourself or parts of yourself as not good enough, not worthy, insufficient, incapable, not measuring up, or even bad or shameful?

That’s where self-compassion is transformative. In essence it’s turning that compassion that we can often feel more naturally towards others towards ourselves. It’s our ability to accept ourselves, nurture, and receive ourselves with kindness.

When we value more than one person or commitment, we feel this constant bid for our attention. The reality is that we can value and have more than one priority, but we cannot always equally attend to all things at the same time…

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Or perhaps more like you live in a constant state of overwhelm? This may show up as feeling like you can hardly take a breath or like your head is barely above water. This may feel like you are treading water, but not getting anywhere.

Secure attachment is certainly worth striving for, yet how do we aspire without feeling pressure to be perfect and get everything just right? Pressure and perfection are such pervasive themes among parents in our culture today that it can be hard not to assume even more pressure towards perfection and feel even more overwhelmed by bringing up this topic.

Attachment is formed early in our lives, highlighting the significant role that parents and caretakers have in connecting securely with their own children, yet the good news is that just because attachment is formed early, we do not have to be stuck in relationship patterns. There is hope for healing, insight, growth, change, and practice, so that more healthy attachment becomes the norm. In essence, moving towards secure attachment is always available and accessible. The invitation is there. It is possible.

As the year draws to a close, I wanted to share a few thoughts on self-compassion. Self-compassion is about practicing gentleness and kindness to yourself. This manifests as more grace and less judgement towards yourself as with awareness of that inner critic and voice, comes the opportunity to reframe the narrative towards what is true.

It’s really not about the first and the last moments being more important than the others, but it’s simply recognizing that sometimes they stick with us more in terms of how we feel. In that there’s kind of an invitation to be intentional and affirming in letting your child know of your love and care…

As we enter the holidays, images abound around us that capture our ideals of how we want holidays to be and look in our homes and lives. Matching dresses, coordinating stockings, gourmet meals, beautifully wrapped presents, and while these things are so lovely, it can be helpful to keep before us what matters most.

I love the concept of presence instead of perfection. When we value presence more, it goes a long way in taking the pressure off and grounding us in what really matters.

I think we can all agree that gratitude is a good thing, that we want to be grateful people ourselves, and that we desire grateful hearts in our children. Like so many things, we can have these great ideals, but the application can be challenging…

Waiting can feel excruciating as it is often so tied up with uncertainty. Waiting also often invokes feeling powerless and being out of control. As we wait we are faced with uncertainty. We then have a choice around how to interact with these dynamics. Naturally, the waiting experience often contributes to anxiety.

So many of our life transitions involve big moments–going off to college, graduating, getting a first job, starting a family, etc., and we often wait and wait for these moments, yet the bulk of our life is lived in the smaller moments, the in between where we can still wait and hope for something, yet we are faced with the day before us and walking through that day.

Consider your own journey with body image and think about what you want for your own kids or kids you know and care for.

How can you model healthy, accepting body image for them?

Be aware that kids can internalize messages that they hear from the adults in their lives.

You are of inherent worth and value as you are.

Our culture does not often speak these words over us. We see images all around us for beauty and sizes that are not realistic, and many of us internalize what we feel we “should” look like.

As you consider rhythms, think about rhythms through the lens of noticing what is most LIFE-GIVING for you. In this way, you are pondering what you need most each day for sustenance and then prioritizing it. Just as flowers need sunlight, nutrition, and nurturing each day to grow and thrive, what do you need?

This sounds like the last thing you might hear from a counselor, yet there is something to this. For many of us and in different seasons, particularly of heartbreak, grief, and trauma felt so profoundly, it is so difficult to withstand the degree of feeling emotions AT ALL TIMES.This is relevant when feelings are so intense that it's like you are living in the full force of feeling all things, all the time. In this way, it can actually be healthy and purposeful to take a break, to give yourself permission not to feel. This is like realizing that you do not have to attend to all things equally all the time.In an extreme sense, this can look like numbing out, but this is not about numbing, it's more about intentional breaks related to CONTAINMENT. Containment is about trusting that there is a place that big feelings can be temporarily held.

Holistic wellness is about the whole person. Just as our bodies are comprised of various systems and limbs, and we function best when our whole body is accepted, nurtured, and well, so it is with holistic wellness. We are complex human beings, and by acknowledging and caring for the whole, we are more likely to experience growth as a whole person.

It’s not that there is a perfect formula or an exact art to healthy relationships, but there are some significant signposts along the way that can help you know you are moving in the right direction--towards differentiation of self, yet connectedness with others.

While certain life transitions and adjustments can be exciting at times, they also can be incredibly difficult as they can rock us to the core around who we are and what grounds us. And yet there is an invitation in the midst of a life transition to dig deep towards what we know to be true.

All of us have a voice in our head…This voice holds so much power, power to lift us up and encourage ourselves with compassion to keep pressing on, believing that we are worthy and of value. This voice also holds power to keep us small, quiet, believing ourselves to be insignificant, unworthy, and shame-filled.

It is so good to long for good things. Ideals are purposeful and not to be dismissed. Should we not strive for peace, kindness, order, and love in our homes and in the world? Yet, what do we do with the continual dynamic of facing the reality of what is when our ideals are not manifested? ...When our ideals do not come to fruition...when we are left with pain and deep, deep disappointment, heartbreak, grief, and despair.

It’s kind of like anxiety itself is a big ball of yarn, and as you untangle the massive ball of yarn, you address one section of string at a time, making it more concrete and not so overwhelming.