Body Image: Letting Go of Rigidity and Moving Towards Acceptance and Well-Being
You are of inherent worth and value as you are.
Our culture does not often speak these words over us. We see images all around us for beauty and sizes that are not realistic, and many of us internalize what we feel we “should” look like.
We often compare ourselves to models and images online, on the tv, in magazines, catalogs, and everywhere really believing that these are the standard ideal for how a person should look. This can leave a person feeling like they are deficient, falling short of the ideal, and less than.
If you can relate to this dynamic, know that it’s possible to press into a new narrative that enables you to live in a way where there is comfort and confidence in your body, no matter your size, shape, and overall appearance.
This is an all too common journey and struggle for us as adults, yet it’s something we need to be cognizant of with our young people as they develop and grow in their identity and confidence in who they are and who they are created to be. While we are more than a body, our body is a significant part of us.
Keep in mind that we are in an ongoing relationship with our bodies. For both men and women, guys and girls, our bodies go through changes all the time with development and growth earlier on and then all the other things happening as we age. Infertility, miscarriages, pregnancy, nursing, postpartum, menopause, etc. add to the layers of transitions and grief that our bodies go through. Yet there’s an invitation to accept and care for our bodies through each passage.
Many times this is a struggle enough with healthy bodies, yet when faced with illness and physical ailments, autoimmune challenges, and diagnoses, etc., it can be incredibly difficult to have a more positive view of a body that seems to not be serving you. That’s really a whole different conversation than this reflection, but it’s worth noting that depending where you are, these words may or may not resonate with you.
Rigidity in our Thinking:
One leading thought dynamic that often wreaks havoc on body image and perhaps one’s relationship with food is that of rigidity.
Rigidity may show up as obsessive thoughts, like a well worn thought path that keeps circulating over and over in your mind. Rigidity may also show up as perfectionism, and many of us most under its spell may be high achievers with many accolades. As you read this, you may not relate so much to rigid thinking as related to your body, but perhaps you recognize the dynamic in other areas of your life–your grades, your work, your parenting, your home, etc.
Rigid thinking and behavior might look and sound like:
I must be _____ pounds. Nothing more is acceptable.
I will never allow myself to eat certain foods that I actually really enjoy and am not allergic or intolerant to, I just view them as bad and unacceptable.
I must exercise for this intense amount of time or pace every day, nothing less is acceptable.
I must be this certain size of clothes. No other size is allowed.
I will restrict and deprive myself of food to reach my ideal goal for my weight/size.
Rigidity in this area of body image can have devastating consequences. To the extreme it can lead to eating disorders and take away freedom and joy in that one might find themselves over-focusing on food and size at all costs. This impacts not only health, but can also impact relationships and overall quality of life. Eating disorders can affect women and men, girls and boys. Eating disorders can affect people of all ages, and the thinking connected to eating disorders is difficult to move away from, yet it’s possible to move towards a more self-compassionate way of being in relationship with your body.
Claiming Well-Being through Nurturing and Nourishment:
We can also go towards the other extreme, which may embody so much chaos that we do not take care of ourselves. Well-being looks different than both of these extremes.
In a place of well-being, we claim that our body is worthy of nurturing and taking care of.
In moving towards letting go of rigidity and moving towards a place of well-being, one might experience fear.
If I let go of such control, I surely will gain so many pounds. (Notice the catastrophic thinking here).
Well-being Might Look and Sound Like:
I have a body weight range that is healthy for me and appropriate for my height and build (notice that it is not one precise number).
I can pay attention to what I eat and notice if I feel better (more energy, better digestion, etc.) eating certain foods.
I can move towards a more sustainable, softer approach to certain foods (ex. Not never allowing yourself to have certain categories of food for example).
I am aware of moralizing food, categorizing it as good and bad, and I am moving away from this, so that I do not shame myself over my food choices.
Acceptance of your Body as a Whole:
Many of us perhaps have certain parts of our body that we do not embrace, appreciate, or love. There may even be shame and wanting to hide.
If I just had thinner legs, I would be pretty or acceptable.
If I just had smaller hips, I would feel more confident, etc.
This may go so far as to leading us to never wear certain types of clothes that we actually like.
I will never wear a bathing suit even though I love to swim.
I will never wear shorts even though it’s hot outside as anything, and shorts would really be more comfortable.
Yet, the reality is that there is beauty in moving towards acceptance of the whole body, integrating all parts and noticing the goodness.
What gifts does your body give to you?
Notice the gifts and appreciate the goodness. Try noticing something about yourself and practicing gratitude and affirmation.
I like my hands, and today I’m going to notice and claim this affirmation.
In many ways our body is our home.
Just like we might care for our physical homes and attend to them, how can you care for your body?
Reframe the Narrative:
Instead of: I need to be thinner to be beautiful, worthy, and acceptable.
Try holding up a reframe: I am worthy as I am. My body is a gift and worthy of nourishment.
We can hold space for this reframe and notice and pay attention to when we feel most well, healthy, strong, and at home in our bodies.
It’s a significantly good ideal to want to be confident and comfortable in our own skin, yet we need to pay attention to the means to get there.
What is a healthy way for me to be in relationship with my body?
How can I nurture my body with foods that provide nourishment for me?
How can I care for my body as a parent might tenderly care for a newborn baby?
If your relationship with your body is one of criticism, hiding, and shame, maybe now is the time to challenge and reframe more what is true.
You are inherently worthy and valuable just as you are.
Practical Application:
What kind of thoughts go through your head when you look in the mirror?
If you hear a critical voice, begin to challenge and externalize it. In doing this, you help separate yourself from this critical voice.
Claim a true message. Consider writing these true messages all over post-it notes on your bathroom mirror or in another place that you might frequent often. Consider taking a minute to pause and reflect on true, gentle words.
Acceptance and Freedom--
Wherever you are in this journey of relationship with your body, perhaps consider what more acceptance and freedom towards your body might feel and look like for you.
Do you find yourself apologizing and ashamed of your appearance?
What would it look and feel like to know that you are enough just as you are?
What would represent more freedom for you in relation to how you view your body?
What might this freedom feel like?
How might this freedom benefit you and your people closest to you?
If you would like to read more about body image specifically related to children, be sure to check out this brief blog post here.
Elizabeth B. Burton is a licensed professional counselor and life coach with Burton Counseling, PLLC. Elizabeth lives just outside of Chattanooga, TN., and you can learn about Elizabeth here. You can learn more about working directly with Elizabeth here. Elizabeth also provides support to individuals and groups through an online course on Coping with Anxiety & Stress and through providing workshops. Elizabeth communicates about mental health and well-being through both the Narrating Hope newsletter and podcast as well as through her writing. Elizabeth would love to connect with you and welcomes you to sign up for the newsletter, listen in to the podcast, reach out about working together, and connect on social media.