Just because something's been a pattern doesn't mean it has to continue. There is hope to break patterns—to create new dynamics…It's not the conflict itself that's the problem. It's really examining the patterns. Do we have healthy dynamics around communication? Do we have a posture of voicing in an assertive way what we're feeling and what we need and also listening to the person we're in relationship with, what's going on with them, what do they need? What do you need together for it to be a healthier dynamic?

It is very natural as people to be critical, to focus on the negative in a way where we take everything else really out of context and we build up and blow up the negative thought as truth, as everything, as the end of the story and it's just not. And when we can start to recognize that it's just a critical thought, just a critical thought about my body or a part of my body, but it doesn't tell the whole story. And then we can ground ourselves in really asking the question, what do I like about my body? My thoughts are naturally going to go to what I don't like and what I don't feel confident about. But how can I widen the context towards also looking at what I do like and naming that and grounding myself in the truth that none of us as real people are meant to have this media image, body or appearance all the time.

Some of us are more likely to admit that we have limits and are fairly in tune with naming those limits, and others of us are not and continue to hold up perhaps an unrealistic standard of what we feel like we should be or should be accomplishing or our capacity in a way that doesn't match our reality. And that can be a continual source of frustration, it can be a source of disappointment, and it can also really move into being more of a source of shame if the inner critic is so harsh.

And I recognize that in the world that we live in, we are often rushing and going and hurrying from one thing to the next. Even how we might approach just each day through a to do list and checking things off, there can be this sense of “my whole day is based on my productivity.” And of course it feels great to check things off, but what happens sometimes is that we get in kind of an autopilot dynamic... And it takes some intentional reflection, which really comes from slowing down enough to even make space to consider how you're doing, the state of your heart, how you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you need…

And yet it's so important to consider that concept of sustainability, because while caregiving may be a short term experience, it often is for a longer road. And in order to show up daily, or just about daily for another person, we need to be tuned in to the concept of considering also what we need in order to keep pouring out. I think all of you have probably heard that quote about how you can't pour from an empty cup. And it's one of those that no matter how many times you hear, it can be really good to keep being reminded and to consider for yourself...Am I filled up? What helps me keep pouring out? ...Of all the things, all the various coping strategies and choices and habits and things I can do with my time, which of those things are so life-giving to me that they help me pour out and care for the people that I need to care for?