But an element of self-compassion that is not as intuitively known and recognized is that part of what can help encourage us to be more self-compassionate is learning about this process of overidentification and really beginning to challenge it within ourselves when we do it and press more instead of into mindfulness. And what I mean by that and what she really means by that through her research is that many times as people, something happens and we over identify with what it means...

Some of us are more likely to admit that we have limits and are fairly in tune with naming those limits, and others of us are not and continue to hold up perhaps an unrealistic standard of what we feel like we should be or should be accomplishing or our capacity in a way that doesn't match our reality. And that can be a continual source of frustration, it can be a source of disappointment, and it can also really move into being more of a source of shame if the inner critic is so harsh.

Not only is that not true, but maybe there's an alternative narrative. Something like, “I'm a person of worth and value, and there's a seat at the table for me, and I'm allowed to take up some space. I'm allowed to have a voice and to show up as I am.” Not based on my accomplishments or my accolades or my productivity or my appearance or the size of my body or the state of my bank account, my relationship status, my ability to play sports or to cook a good meal or to have a beautifully decorated home or really, really nice clothes. None of that is related to that inherent worthiness. It is a given. It is a non negotiable in a world that maybe doesn't tell us that. And so we have to work to cultivate that for ourselves.