But what I'm really talking about is more of resentment towards someone in your life that is asking things of you that you're really not wholeheartedly able to give. And so you might find yourself smiling on the outside saying yes, but it's really a misalignment between your external behavior and reactions and your internal world. So really this comes down to how do we reduce resentment in our relationships so that our relationships are better and healthier and happier and all of those things?…

And we are going to be jumping into the topic of boundaries and the holidays. And it may be a little strange to put those two concepts together because when we think about holidays, boundaries may not be at the top of our minds in terms of what's involved with having an enjoyable, meaningful holiday. And yet they really go hand in hand. And I wanted just to emphasize just foundational work for boundaries around holidays is to really press into a concept of giving yourself permission. And what I mean by that is first and foremost giving yourself permission not to do everything.

And I just want to encourage you, if you are someone who is struggling with the concept of boundaries, to press into those principles we just talked about— that they're good, that they're healthy, that boundaries are not mean, that they can be conveyed with kindness and respect, and that they lead to wholehearted yeses and less resentment, which ultimately helps your relationships with people, because you're not simmering with resentment on the inside, because your commitments match and align with what you're needing on the inside.

…But it's just where do I have room to speak into the dynamic? Where can I create some breathing room so that I can say yes to my commitments and responsibilities in a more sustainable way, so that I have recovered between stressors, so that I have rested and been refueled?…Do I have white space or do I feel so rushed, hurried, programmed and scheduled that there's not even time to sit down or to think, or to reflect or to play or to rest? And is that how you want to live?…

…Yet sometimes with stress and anxiety and often perfectionism or a lot of pressure to get it right and to have this perfect image, we can move towards a realm of overfunctioning. And what that means is that it's not really about working hard or showing up or valuing excellence or great work ethic or anything like that. It's more about moving into a realm of having to be all things at all times or perfect at all times or to rescue, instead of really recognizing that we all have limits and that it's okay to do the best you can…

And once you can identify a core belief or two that might be driving a lot of your choices and your behavior, then when you're ready, you can begin to challenge those beliefs and work towards a reframe. So, for example, if my belief is that I need to please people at all times, I can work towards a more realistic understanding of relationships-- that it's not my job to please people at all times, but I can still value peacemaking and pleasing as something I generally bring to the table.